Timerstye
by BaqSlasher
Summary: Half human, half vampire. What is going to happen when Renesmee Cullen has to fight for what she holds most dearly, and how far is she willing to go to be victorious without losing herself in the process? Will love get in the way, or lend a hand? R/L
1. Rise

**Chapter 1 – Rise**

**Disclaimer:** I don´t own any recognizable elements of the Twilight Saga. The rest is mine.

**Author´s Note: ** So, my first Twilight story. :) I´m really glad that I´ve finally gotten up my lazy butt and actually brought my idea to (digital) paper. There´s not much about it to say, except that the main pairing will eventually be Renesmee/Leah! I´m still thinking about a Bella/Alice pairing; depends on where the story will be going.

So, if you have anything against same-sex relationships, this story probably won´t appeal to you.

A few more warnings, though; 1) People who fangirl-ish-ly worship the ground Edward and Jacob walk on, won´t find much love for them in this fic. I dislike the character of Edward with a passion. 2) The whole concept of imprinting is unimaginable to me, and will be treated accordingly. 3) So you can guess why Jacob´s not really experiencing much love from me.

**Rating: **T (violence, language)

--

I tried to suppress the urge to roll my eyes for the umpteenth time as I made my way through the halls of Forks Highschool. Since today was one of the sunnier days, I had to endure the full day of ten periods without my family by my side. Normally, I´d say that getting them out of my hair for a half a day was truly a blessing, but with all the less than entertaining humans around me, I only guessed that the day would be far from a blessing for me.

Quickening my pace, I made my way through the masses of students trying to get to class in time. Of course it wasn´t that much of a task, with the way most of the student-body held a good distance from me. Wouldn´t dream of coming in contact with the freak, huh?

Seriously, people´s stares and whispers were ridiculously inconspicuous at times, and the fact that they were so blatantly open about their distrust and dislike towards me only further served to fuel my pissed off state.

I didn´t necessarily have a bad temper, but if sufficiently provoked, I wasn´t averse to giving out a few good punches to people who thoroughly deserved them. Mostly Emmett found himself on the bad end of my wrath with all of his pranks, but sometimes there´d be instances when I lashed out at my father, too.

I felt I was completely righteous in my anger, though. He didn´t have control over his power and I knew that he couldn´t help but pick up on certain things, but for him to expose my most private thoughts and humiliate me in front of the whole family and my friends, I had just felt something snap in my head.

So what if I found an interest in the nature of sex?! I heard my whole family going at it like wild animals when they thought I was asleep, and _I_ couldn´t even express a vague interest? What did they expect?

Only my mother had shown me some support throughout this whole ordeal, but the more she´d talked, the more frustrated I became. Her patronizing tone hadn´t escaped my notice, and no matter how much I´d explained to her that I was fully grown, both physically and mentally, her words of false understanding just increased my anger.

I had talked to her about maybe shielding my thoughts from time to time, but with one disapproving look from my father towards me, and a pleading one towards my mother, that option was ruled out, too. The look in her eyes afterwards told me she wished to have decided differently, however. Not that it mattered.

The rest of the family had kept out of this as much as possible, knowing that Edward´s and Bella´s parenting wasn´t really any of their business.

In the end, the blame for my anger, frustration, and increased sexual want landed of course on the vampire/human hormones that just increased clashing with an older age. After all, it was impossible for the daughter of _Edward and Bella_ to be anything less than a flawless miracle and absolutely perfect, right?

_`Fuck `em,´_ I thought as I saw the classroom for Math in clear view at the end of the hall. I wouldn´t let those thoughts make my day even worse than it already was.

Barely through the threshold, my vampire instincts alerted me just in time to evade a tall figure positioning themselves in front of me, therefore successfully cutting off my way in. A look up, and I immediately identified the person with a tired groan.

Tall, blond-dyed, plastic Katharina Vechnov; one of the girls the world would be a better place without. The two puppets on her right and left stood some inches behind her, arms crossed and superior smirks on their faces as they watched the spectacle in amusement. I suddenly couldn´t help but feel as if I were in one of those really bad 90´s movie.

"Cullen," Katharina spat, her dark-brown eyes trained on mine in challenge.

I didn´t bother to reply, knowing whatever I´d say wouldn´t appease her or stop her from making a scene and embarrass herself.

"So, I hear your family´s not at school today. Hope your freak of a brother didn´t snap again and something… _tragic_ happened this time."

A growl built in my chest as I realized what she meant. Only a week ago Jasper happened to be in class when a girl had accidently cut into her hand pretty badly. Alice hadn´t been able to warn him, and even though he´d been completely caught off guard, he´d hung on until the rest of my family stormed into the room with some excuse to get him out.

His resistance had worn out eventually, short before leaving the building, and my father and uncles had to step in. The result was a full blown wrestling match between Jasper and the rest of the boys, only stopped when teachers and the principal were called to the scene.

The news spread through school like wildfire, and endless rumors about the `when´s, `where´s, `how´s, and `why´s circulated from student to student. All of it complete nonsense of course, but amusing nonetheless.

Still, we were all extremely proud of Jasper for holding out so long. A few years ago, that injured girl wouldn´t have lasted a fraction of a second, and the fact that the ignorant human in front of me made so light of his accomplishment – though she didn´t realize it – and the insinuation behind her words made my blood boil.

I took a deep breath to calm myself, and plastered a non-threatening smile on my face.

"Thanks for your concern, but everything´s fine. The rest of my family just went camping today, seeing that it´s just such a rare beautiful day today."

She looked in barely concealed disappointment at me, probably having hoped for a big scandal that´d actually make her important for a few moments before broadcasting it to the whole school.

_`Bitch,´_ I thought with waning patience for her attitude.

"Well," she started, flipping a blond lock behind her shoulder as an innocent smile appeared on her face. "I guess your family can afford skipping a few days. Your whore of a sister – what´s her name again… Bella? – doesn´t suck the principal off for nothing after all."

Before I was able to form a thought, a frightening emotion I couldn´t exactly identify rushed through me, and I felt something shift inside of me. My body moved forward, almost on its own accord, and I vaguely registered my hand grasping soft fabric and pushing against a hard surface.

My breath quickened as I almost felt something familiar rushing through the warm body only inches away from mine. In the distance, I heard voices, loud and scared, trying to penetrate the haze around me, but I paid them no heed.

Hands on my body; shoulder, arms, ribcage, hips. The almost unbearable heat of everything – _myself_ - came to the forefront of my mind for the first time. Despite the already increased temperature of my body due to my obvious genetic circumstances, my skin suddenly felt as if held into a full tank of acid, the chemical quickly burning down the flesh in painful waves.

Blood rushed in scorching rivers of lava through my veins, my muscles felt extruded almost to the point of bursting, and even the air invading my nostrils and mouth in short, quick puffs, felt like it would burn me up from the inside.

I knew I should have felt scared in that instance, feared for my life, but I somehow didn´t. The beating drum of my heartbeat had a disconcerting calming effect, almost as if Jasper was exercising his power to the fullest on me.

A small smile formed on my lips at the thought of him, and the blurred image in front of me slowly shifted into focus. I had to blink a few times before a clear image appeared, but I was already aware of the familiar voices echoing around me, the strong grips of ice-cold hands on my arms and shoulders, the looks of horror, disappointment, and confusion on me.

That's when the image cleared, and I saw the wide, terrified eyes staring down at me. My one hand buried in the fabric of her blouse, crushing her inescapably against the wall next to the door, the other hand holding her up on her throat in a hard grasp, her feet barely able to reach the ground to support herself.

I cocked my head to the side, wondering how the hell this had happened, then slowly let go of her. She slumped down to the ground, heavily heaving and disbelieving eyes still on me.

I didn´t know what compelled me to send her a smug grin, but before I could ponder about that anymore, the grip on my arm tightened and I was pulled out of the room in a haste. One last look cast back, I saw the horrified faces of students, their gaze pulled between my leaving figure and… Carlisle, heatedly trying to calm the situation and the principal down with Jasper´s help. They both looked decidedly out of place in their huge black coats and hoods, but I quickly realized that the weather conditions wouldn´t permit anything less.

_`Wait, when the hell did they get here?´ _I wondered as I was pulled through the halls and the parking lot towards Emmett´s jeep.

For the first time thoroughly evaluating my surroundings, I noticed my father and mother both at each of my side, keeping a strong grip on my arms, and trying to keep their composure while still in public. In the front Emmett and Rose walked at a brisk pace, exchanging worried looks and whispering words too quiet to hear for me. A bit secluded from them was Alice, guiltily biting her lips and repeatedly running her hand through her short spikes.

I wanted to say something – anything – to soothe their pain. I wanted to tell Alice that it wasn´t her fault; that there was no way she could have known what was going to happen. I wanted to tell Emmett and Rose that I was okay, that they needn´t worry, that they did a good job raising me. And my parents; I wanted to apologize, to tell them I loved them, that it wasn´t their fault, and that I was thankful for all they did and sacrificed for me.

It seemed like the right moment to tell them all that, but I couldn´t. My mouth wouldn´t open, my vocal chords wouldn´t obey, the oxygen in my lungs wouldn´t supply for the need to form the letters.

The words just felt all too wrong.

--

I didn´t even notice I disconnected from the real world again until I was unkindly thrown back into awareness. It felt like a bucket of cold water releasing right over your head. All the emotions, images and impressions bombard you at once, coming in one relentless tide of information, your mind going momentarily into overdrive, trying to process the jumbled mass.

Disorientation was the first thing I felt as a result of the aforementioned. It didn´t take long for me to realize I was back at home, sitting on the living room couch with eight pairs of eyes on me. As far as I could tell, the emotions ranged from worried to confused to curious and as far as to amused (but that was only Emmett, so I didn´t really put any weight on that).

The ride here I couldn´t remember, but that was the last of my worries at the moment. It seemed like they were all waiting for me to do or say something, so I tentatively held up a hand for a small wave, assessing with mild content that the burning I had felt before completely vanished.

Before I could form another thought, though, a weight pressed me back into the cushions, and a moment later my mother´s dry-sobs filled the room, muffled only by the fabric of my woolen pullover.

"Oh baby," she hiccupped and ran a hand through my hair, "I´m so glad you´re okay. We thought for a moment we--"

She broke off at that part, and I knew exactly what she´d meant. I gently put my arms around her and pulled her cold frame closer.

"Sorry, mom. I´m fine now," I assured her firmly. Something still didn´t sit right with me, but right now I didn´t want to add to her worries.

After a few moments she composed herself and sat back up. I gave her a small smile and turned back to the rest of my family, all standing around me and obviously more relaxed now that they´d seen I was responsive at least.

Carlisle was the next at my side, fussing over me and giving me an impromptu medical exam. He checked my heartbeat and temperature, noting that there was nothing out of norm (for a half-vampire) with it. All the while, my uncles, aunts and father were involved in a rather heated discussion about something that was again talked about too quietly for me to understand.

When the attention was back on me, I decided to take the chance and apologize before I´d get the untamed brunt of their anger.

"So," I began sheepishly, slowly feeling like myself again and realizing that my actions should´ve gotten me in deep shit. "First I want to say that I´m really sorry for what happened in school. I seriously can´t tell you what was going on with me… I felt like…"

I trailed off at their understanding and sympathetic glances. Frowning, I felt like they were all in on a joke that I obviously wasn´t.

"What´s going on, guys?" I asked, my suspicious gaze traveling each of their faces. They all looked unsure of what to say, or maybe even reluctant to say anything at all.

After a pregnant silence, Carlisle took it upon himself to explain, pointedly ignoring my father´s glare.

"Renesmee, do you remember anything about what happened from the moment you," he stopped, clearly searching for an appropriate word that wouldn´t hurt my feelings. I could guess, "_grabbed _that girl until your mother embraced you?"

I thought for a moment about my answer as I felt his probing gaze on me. I remembered the verbal confrontation with Katharina, but everything up until I `woke up´ on the couch a few minutes ago, was either an uncontrollable blur, or completely swiped off of my mind.

I told him exactly that, and was rewarded with a round of murmurs throughout my family. I looked around, waiting for someone to finally tell me what was going on, but nothing. I felt the frown etch permanently on my face, as the discussion around me increased in intensity.

_`Why the fuck is no one telling me anything?´_

_**`They won´t tell you,´**_ I heard a voice that sounded suspiciously close to mine resonating through my head, and stiffened in shock. I clenched my eyes shut at the unpleasant feeling that suddenly seemed to envelop me. _**`They don´t think you´re ready to hear the truth; they´re scared of how you´ll react.´**_

I ignored the voice and looked around, hoping someone had finally addressed me and I didn´t just imagine myself talking to me, but they were still too caught up in themselves to even look at me.

_`You´re not a nutcase, Ness, so stop imagining things that aren´t there,´_ I mentally told myself and repeated that mantra a few times until I was sure there was nothing but myself in my head.

I shook my head, and cleared my throat, trying to get some attention. No one even spared a glance towards me, and even my verbal try of, "Guys, will you please tell me what´s going on?" was drowned under the heated atmosphere they created around themselves, outside of me.

_**`Do you want them to hear you?´ **_

I jumped at the voice and looked around, a bit more frantic this time. Nothing. No one was talking to me. This wasn´t possible.

**`Everything is possible, Renesmee. As long as you want it to be, it is.´**

"Who the fuck are you," I whispered incredulously, not caring about my language in front of my family. They probably didn´t hear anyway.

To my surprise, however, they did. The whispers slowly came to a halt and I suddenly had their undivided attention. Not exactly how I wanted it, but better than nothing.

"Who are you talking to, Nessie?" My dad came towards me, a cautious look in his eyes.

I swallowed hard and tried to block out all the thoughts that pointed towards me belonging into a mental institution. _`No need for them to think me nutcase-crazy… even if I maybe am.´_

"I can´t read it," he suddenly clarified, and I looked up at him in confusion.

At my questioning gaze, he elaborated, a small smile tugging at his lip, "Your mind. I know how you adjust your breathing when you try to clear your mind of anything incriminating."

_**`You can thank me for that,´**_ the voice sounded again from inside my mind, and this time I felt the emotion behind the words. A swell of amusement filled me up, and I rolled my eyes. Hoping I didn´t look too lunatic for rolling my eyes without much of a reason to them, I quickly got back to the subject at hand.

"So how…" I trailed off, not sure exactly who I was asking.

_**`Secret.´**_

"I don´t have an answer for that, but Carlisle already contacted Nahuel and his sisters. Unfortunately, despite sharing your genetic setup, they don´t have an idea either what´s going on."

_**`Liar. Don´t believe him, Renesmee. They have a very specific idea of what´s happening, they just don´t want to tell you.´**_

I looked at the other´s for confirmation. Only a few could hold my gaze, and even then not for long. They clearly didn´t agree with withholding the truth from me, if the voice in my head is to be trusted.

"Is that so…" I said quietly, making it clear with the tone of my voice that I knew there was more to it than he had told me.

Letting it go for now, though, I asked something that was plaguing my mind since I got here.

"So, what happened when I was… `knocked out´, I guess?"

They all knew what I was talking about, but the shuffling and the sending each other awkward glances started up again.

_`They won´t tell me, will they?´ _I sighed when I realized a moment later that I just consciously asked the voice in my head a question.

_**`No need to worry, hon. I won´t tell anyone if you won´t.´ **_

_`Annoying prick,´_ I thought back at the voice after I felt its shameless amusement at how easily it was able to ruffle my feathers.

"Well," my father´s voice brought me back to the present, "you were mostly silent and unresponsive. Nothing that needs to worry you, sweety."

_**`Yeah, what needs to worry you is how the fuck he´s able to lie like that and still keep a straight face.´ **_

I sighed and ran a hand through my bronze locks. Even I knew by now that he was lying right in my face, but I was just too exhausted to find any motivation to argue a lost cause. He stood by what he decided was the best and safest for me, and if keeping me out of the loop accomplished that, there was no way he´d budge.

"Alright," I gave in and forced a yawn. Anything to get me out of here; I may accept being lied to for now, but I sure as hell didn´t like it. "I feel kinda tired. If it´s okay, I´ll just go up to my room and take a nap."

Not waiting for an answer, I stood up and quickly made my way up the stairs, avoiding any eye contact with my family. Barely up the last step, I heard the hushed whispers and murmurs emerge once more in full force.

I sighed and shook my head in frustration. _`At least I can get a few answers out of that voice now.´_

Ignoring how weird that actually sounded, I threw myself into the heaps of blankets on my bed (all more for comfort than for warmth), getting ready for a good round of twenty questions.

`_So,´_ I started, quickly deciding which of my thousand questions required an answer the most. _`How exactly did you get in my head, and why?´_

I waited patiently for a reply, but after about two or three minutes I wondered if I may have done something wrong and that was why my words didn´t reach the voice. After a moment of contemplation and another few tries with different questions, the response was no different.

Growling in disbelief, I hurled the pillow above my head off the bed. With a force that burst the seams open and resulted in a small explosion of feathers in that part of the room, it connected mercilessly with the wall.

_`Well, fuck you too, voice,´ _I snapped in my mind, hoping the words would somehow reach their destination.

With an indignant huff, I threw the covers over myself and shut my eyes tightly, wishing for nothing more than unconsciousness to finally set an end to this bitch of a day.

I briefly wondered, though, if the sadness that slowly crept up was my own or just another fragment of my imagination.

--

End Chapter 1


	2. Capricious

**Chapter 2 - Capricious**

**Disclaimer:** I still am not Stephanie Meyer, the rightful owner of the Twilight Series.

**Author´s Notes:** One of the reviewers (thank you very much :)) notified me of the little faux-pas with Nessie attending Forks High with her family after only 7 or 8 years passed. Of course people would recognize the rest of the family, so it was completely an error on my part to have them all attend. Sorry for that. You can, if you want to, for now just imagine that Alice´s extraordinary make-up skills made it possible for the Cullens to actually look their age now (mid-twenties), and that they´re all employed at Forks High to keep an eye on the youngest Cullen.

And yes, the pairing really is Renesmee/Leah in a romantical kind of sense.

**Rating:** T

--

"Ness," I distantly heard familiar voice call me through the fog of sleep. Ignoring it, I fell back into a dreamless quiet.

"Nessie," the voice came more insistently this time. I gave a barely discernable groan in response and willed myself once more deep into the darkness of sleep.

Only a moment more of my unresponsiveness, and I suddenly felt the covers lifted from me and my whole body shook like a magnitude eight earthquake. Eyes snapping open, the image of one very tiny aunt of mine bouncing up and down on my mattress, feet positioned dangerously close to the right and left of my waist, greeted me.

Still barely able to function, mind still clouded with sleep, I muttered exactly what was going on in my mind at that moment.

"Alice," I groaned and sat up on my elbows, "what the fuck are you doing?"

The jumping immediately stopped and she narrowed her eyes at me. "Language, Nessie."

I rolled my eyes at her reprimanding me. Next to Rose and Emmett, she was by far the worst concerning the use of profanities. I still shuddered at times when I thought of Alice´s online order gone wrong from a small Spanish boutique. Apparently, the company that was part of the boutique went bankrupt, but they still sold clothes online that they technically didn´t even have anymore and cashed the money.

In the end, Alice´s wrath and foul mouth didn´t only have us shiver in fear, but also the company. I had no idea what kind of strings Alice had pulled, but a few weeks later the shipment arrived, complete with everything she had ordered, plus a letter of apology.

Nothing and no one could wipe her smug grin off for the next few weeks.

"Did you even hear a word I said, Nessie?"

I broke out of my reverie and looked up at Alice, arms crossed, pout set firmly, and eyes disapproving of my lack of attention.

"Sorry," I smiled up at her, genuinely hoping that she wasn´t too mad at me. "What are you even doing here? It´s not even dawn…"

She sighed in exasperation, and repeated what she probably already had said before. The smile that lit her face after that told me that she had completely forgiven me, though.

"The guys and your parents have gone hunting, and Rose and I wanted to know if you´d like to get some clothes ready for today."

It only took a second for me to notice what felt wrong with the sentence, and with that a short recap of yesterday´s events ran through my mind. Eyes focusing on the woman in front of me again, I cocked my head to the side and briefly debated if Alice had maybe developed a severe case of Alzheimer in the past few hours.

"Thanks for the offer, but I don´t think the principal would appreciate my presence in school after what happened, no matter how good I´ll look today."

"Not for that, stupid," she laughed it off and swatted my arm, her golden eyes sparkling in barely concealed amusement.

Raising my eyebrow, I urged her to explain. "So…?"

"Well," she slowly began, dragging the word out and obviously enjoying the bit of suspense created. "Today there will be a few certain shape-shifters coming back home, and I heard there will be a small welcoming party down at La Push. An invitation was kindly extended to the Cullens, so of course we have to look our best, right?"

I vaguely noted her extending her hand for me to grab, but my mind was too focused on her words to react properly.

_`They´re coming back… They´re coming back, holy shit!´ _

My heart slammed repeatedly against my ribcage, going faster and faster as I pondered that thought. I had completely blocked that little tidbit of their eventual return out of my mind. _`How the hell will I--´_

"Nessie?" My aunt´s concerned eyes and voice interrupted my train of thought.

"I´m fine," I quickly assured her. "Just thinking, you know?"

Before she could tell me if `she knew´, I had already hopped off my bed and rushed into the bathroom, leaning heavily against the closed door behind me.

_`Fuck.´_

--

"Aww," Alice and Rose gushed and fluttered around me, giving my look the finishing touches. "Doesn´t she look beautiful?"

I only rolled my eyes at their constant flattering, but gauging my appearance in the full body mirror in front of me, I had to agree. I looked pretty good, though maybe that was exactly what I _didn´t_ need today.

_`Don´t worry, Ness. Keep your calm and just don´t initiate any kind of physical contact. That should be fine.´_

When I focused back on my reflection, I caught my aunts exchanging worried glances.

"What´s wrong?" I decided to ask.

They both looked like a deer in the headlight when they realized that their little exchange didn´t go unnoticed.

"Nothing," Rose smoothed her expression and cast an enchantingly innocent smile on her face. "How about we put on a bit more of that eye shadow? What do you think, Alice?"

"Su-"

"No, thanks," I interrupted, not in the mood for any more of their evasion and lies, seeing where this was going. "I´ll go back to my room, but thanks for helping me get ready." _`for the party in eleven hours,´_ I mentally added, glad that I bit it back when I caught sight of the distraught faces of my aunts.

"Nessie," Alice started, her fingers nervously fumbling with the rim of her designer shirt. After what seemed like eternity, she continued in a quieter voice, "I´m sorry we kept you out of the loop yesterday, but Edward, he-"

"Alice," Rose hissed with a warning glint in her honey-colored eyes.

"Rose, we can´t keep this from her. Who knows what´s going to happen tonight with the wolves; did you think about that for a moment?!"

She kept silent after that, but I could clearly see her jaw clenching in disapproval.

My eyes traveling between Alice and Rose, I patiently waited for an explanation, though I felt my curiosity slowly getting the best of me.

By now I had that voice marked down as a figment of my overactive imagination, a result of not enough sleep, an outlet for the emotional distress caused by the events in school, _whatever_. Just definitely not real.

_`So what´s going on with the rest?´_

Before I was able to voice the question, Alice had already started talking.

"You know that I can´t _see_ you clearly, right?" I nodded affirmative. "But yesterday something changed when I saw a crystal clear vision of you grabbing that girl. We´re still not clear on the details but we have a theory."

I furrowed my brows, not really seeing the importance of the matter. Nonetheless, I waited for her to continue; any bit of information I could get from my normally tight-lipped family members was far better than nothing.

"Before I continue, you have to know that the reason my visions of you are all so vague is because you´re so tightly interwoven with the wolves, who I am – under no circumstances – able to see." She held her hand up, stopping me effectively from questioning. "My guess is that Jacob is going to tell you more about that tonight, but for now just let me finish talking, please."

I was close to retort, but her sharp gaze cut me off.

"The memory loss of the periods of time you acted so out of control, and the fact that I was able to see you supports our theory that there may have been something taking over a certain part of you. A part that is connected to the wolves, and that is responsible for keeping your basic instincts under control."

I swallowed, having a vague idea of where this was going.

"Well," she carried on, a bit more hesitant now, "you´re half human and half vampire, and even though we never ruled the possibility of problems arising because of those two co-existing out, Nahuel and his family never voiced any concerns or eventual complications that may occur, so…"

"So you mean," I cleared my throat that felt suddenly very tight, "that it´s possible that my… so far recessive vampire side decided to take control back in school?"

She didn´t answer, only gave me a meek nod.

I laughed awkwardly, trying to mask how scared I all of a sudden felt. I never gave much thought to that, only thinking that whatever happened in school was put down to some weird vampire quirk, or just generally having a bad day, or the lack of hunting in the past weeks, or… something _fixable_.

"And," I spoke up before my thoughts could drive me any crazier, my voice quiet, "what is going to happen if this other side of me… wins? I mean, will I still be me…?"

My eyes wandered from aunt to aunt, both sporting the same helpless, clueless look as I.

_`So much for that,´ _I thought with a bit of a desperate edge. Taking a deep breath, I willed myself to calm down. _`Don´t cry now, Nessie. Don´t you dare let that drop leak; Think!´_

And think I did, and after a long while, it hit me like a fucking ton of bricks in the head, and I felt a deep growl building in my chest as I put the pieces together.

_`Stupid idiot, of course you didn´t imagine a fucking voice talking to you in your head! That was the damn vampire in you, getting you all riled up. Shit. Shit. Shit.´_

Feeling the anger seep into my veins again, I tried not to let it control me or succumb to it, having still fresh in mind what happened the last time I felt the anger with such intensity. But no way was I going to let myself be beaten into submission by this vampire piece of shit (no offense to others of course, just specifically this one inside of me).

Clenching and unclenching my fists, I slowly relieved all the `bad emotions´, as I dubbed them, that could quite possibly serve as fuel for the vampire.

_`Just you wait, just you wait…´_

--

My aunts didn´t lose sight of me for the whole rest of the day until we had to get to the party. Their worried eyes followed me everywhere, and I could only guess that my little zone-out from before still weighed heavily on their minds.

The rest of my family came in the late mid-afternoon, just minutes before we had to get going.

My dad, of course, immediately picked up from Rose´s and Alice´s mind that they had told me what was going on. He was furious, yelled for some time, pointed out how I wasn´t ready to know, and how they probably damaged my poor, vulnerable psyche with their actions, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I simply ignored him for the most part, freshening up again upstairs, and only once asked him to let it go for now. He looked appeased, probably thinking about how much this evening meant to me – not that it particularly did, but he didn´t need to know that. I was glad enough that he for once wasn´t in my mind, despite the fact that my unexpectedly awakened vampire side was the cause.

--

After an awkward, uneventful ride down to the La Push beach, I was happy to see all the familiar friendly faces greeting us at arrival. In spite of my previous worries, I had no problems facing a group of certain people coming towards us.

Relief rushed through me as my eyes traveled over their three uninjured, thankfully-no-limbs-missing bodies. They probably lingered too long on one of the frames, but I paid no heed to that fact as I rushed towards them, enveloping all three in a bone-crushing hug.

Choruses of amused laughter greeted me, but when I pulled back I could see in their eyes that they too were as happy to see me in one piece.

Jake was the first one to address me, asking me how I´ve been, how school was, how my family was, and so on. I smiled politely and updated him on the happenings in Forks, neatly leaving the events of the past 48 hours out of my tales.

He kept sitting through all of it, a fascinated grin on his face I could not in a million years comprehend, while Leah and Seth snuck out sometime after my story of a guy in school accidently grabbing the ass of one of our older, male teachers.

After I had brought even the most boring stories on the table, and he still kept prodding, I excused myself to talk to some of the other guests. His sad gaze followed me through the crowd, but I quickly shook the guilt away. I had entertained him more than enough already.

My way somehow led me towards one very cheeky dark-haired Native American, sitting some yards away from the rest at the shore. Already having seen me in the distance coming, she instinctively held one of the remaining five beers next to her up for me. I gratefully took it and thanked her.

For a while we just sat there in silence, gazing out towards the soft waves at the dark horizon.

"So, kiddo," she broke the silence after taking another sip of her second beer, a jesting grin on her face as she turned towards me. "You successfully gotten laid yet?"

"Fuck off," I mouthed, the warm smile on my face easily betraying my words.

"So that´s a no then?" Leah´s husky laugh sounded above the rest of the chattering from the beach, and I couldn´t help but join her.

"Yeah, it´s a no, unfortunately," I admitted, feeling the frustration rise up again. She patted me on the shoulder in a comforting gesture, and I shot her an appreciative smile.

"Don´t worry, maybe you´ll soon get lucky," she winked at me in a suggestive manner, and I thought I felt my heart stop. God, if she meant that…

_`Get your mind out of the fucking gutter!´_ I mentally scolded myself, knowing that if I kept this up I´d surely fuck this up beyond repair somehow.

"What," I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the lump. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing," she smiled innocently at me until something in the distance behind me caught her eye, and she sprang up, waving her hands up in the air.

_`Guess she had a few beers before those two with me,´_ I thought, grinning as I recalled some of our funnier drunken escapades.

"Jake!" she called in a volume that probably even the people in Forks could still hear. "Come over here, you bastard!"

She turned towards me as he came jogging over, smirked and jokingly told me to do my worst. I rolled my eyes, not exactly sure how to react to her insinuation, and flipped her leaving figure off. The gesture was returned and we both shared one last laugh before she disappeared in the masses of guests.

I suddenly remembered Alice´s words; `a small gathering´ or something. I shook my head as I estimated the crowd at a good eighty people, nothing really small for a normal welcome-home party. _`Well, guess that´s Alice for you…´_

"So," I whipped my head around at the voice, having forgotten that Jake was still here for a moment. He shot me a curt disapproving look for the rude gesture I´d made, but it was quickly replaced with a smile as he continued, "How about taking a walk along the shore? There´s something I need to talk to you about."

I furrowed my brows at his nervous state. He kept shuffling through the sand with his feet, eyes alternating between staring at me and the ground. The soft light from the moon illuminated the light flush on his face, and I had to suppress a giggle at the thought of him looking like a young schoolboy short before a confession.

"Sure," I tried to ease some of his nervousness, and took his arm because he was just too endearing at the moment for me to do anything else.

He led the way, and for a long while he just kept shooting me weird glances out of the corner of his eyes. I wasn´t sure what to make of them, so I simply kept quiet, wondering what it could be that caused a 180 degree turn from confident, cocky Jake to… _this_.

Just as I ended that thought, we slowly came to a halt. Taking a deep breath, he held me gently by the shoulders and turned me so I was facing him.

My eyes seemed to convey my discomfort, and he quickly let go, taking a respectful step backwards.

After another moment of silence, he finally seemed ready to say whatever it was he had to say. _`Finally,´_ I thought in mild annoyance at his beating around the bush.

"Nessie," he started, eyes uncomfortably boring into mine, "now that you are fully grown, there are things that you should know."

"Alright," I drawled, bracing myself for the big news.

He looked indecisive for a moment, but the indecisiveness gradually transformed into firm determination settling on his features.

"To make a long story short," he said, taking a step towards me, "I imprinted on you. I´ll explain all the details right now, because I´m sure you don´t really know what…"

His voice trailed off in my ears and I felt my chest painfully tighten as his words registered.

No, I didn´t need him giving me a half-assed explanation of what imprinting was, talking his head off as he tried to paint me the perfect picture. I knew exactly what imprinting entailed, having asked Emily after one of Leah´s drunken comments on the subject.

We had talked for a long while, exchanging opinions, pros and cons, and her personal experience with imprinting.

"It stole my best friend and cousin from me," she had said, the sadness and regret that I saw in her eyes making my insides churn.

The more she´d talked and told me about her past with Leah and Sam, the more she´d enforced my opinion on the subject.

Imprinting was simply absurd.

No one could honestly tell me that one single look justifies years of friendship and love, a whole planned future with the marriage, the white picket fence, the dog, the house, and the typical 2.4 kids, just being thrown away like that, as if it never held any significance at all.

In that instance I had thought that I´d rather kill myself than ever having to tell my loved one that I couldn´t be with them, because I wasn´t able to stay away, neither physically nor mentally, from another person I had just seen for the very first time in my life.

God… being at the absolute mercy of them, fulfilling every wish of theirs without a single complaint, finding no peace for the rest of eternity as an immortal being if my feelings weren´t reciprocated; not ever having a fight, not ever experiencing the joys of reconciling afterwards and looking back on how strong our love was to last us through it all.

I had remember all the times I´d seen Quil and Claire, Paul and Rebecca, Jared and Kim, and how happy they´d all looked in my memories. Smiling, gazing into each other´s eyes as if there was nothing else in this world that was worth living for.

I pitied them for their fate. I truly did.

_`So yeah, I know _exactly_ what imprinting is,´_ I repeated in my mind, my initial numbness making way to the anger.

I knew he was still talking about whatever miracle it was, how he was so happy he didn´t need to search long for his soul mate, and how he´d do anything – _anything_ – to ensure my happiness, but I couldn´t take this talk about his endless devotion towards me anymore.

_`If I wanted a fucking slave I´d go and get me one,´_ I thought viciously when I realized I had lost not only my Uncle Jake, but also one of my best friends to this curse.

"Stop talking," I hissed, interrupting whatever he was saying. My tone quickly shut him up, and after a long moment of gaining at least an illusion of composure, I began to talk again.

"Jake, how in the seven fucking depths of hell did you ever get the idea that telling me that you… imprinted," I spat the words in a deadly calm, "on me was a something that seemed - even in the slightest - like a good plan to you?"

He looked at me in confusion, as if not fully understanding the concept of me not being anything less than a willing sacrifice to his curse.

"I know that you´re maybe not ready for that kind of love now," he explained, completely misinterpreting my words. "We can just keep going like we always have. No pressure."

My eye twitched in irritation at the sight of his confident grin, clearly betraying his words, and I knew that he didn´t really mean his words. He´d seen the way every of the other imprint couples found their happy-end without much of resistance from either side, and I saw in his eyes that he felt like his own happy-end wasn´t faraway.

_`Well, tough luck, buddy.´_

"Jake," I said slowly, trying to find a way to let him down gently, despite my anger at the situation. It wasn´t his fault he´d imprinted, after all. "You´ve been part of my family and a friend since I can remember. I don´t think it would be a wise choice to change our relationship to something more… ever."

A brief look of panic fluttered across his features as he got the gist of my message, but he quickly covered it up with a sympathetic smile. "Ness, you don´t have to decide anything right now. I know you´re a bit overwhelmed, and I totally understand that."

"Jake, I really-"

"Seriously." He held a hand up, probably gradually realizing that things didn´t go exactly as he´d planned. "Just sleep on it tonight, and tomorrow you´ll see everything in a new light."

I sighed tiredly and rubbed my temples in an effort to keep the frustration at bay. "I don´t think even a new light is going to be enough to make me reconsider. I´m sorry, Jake."

"But… Ness," he tried again, the pleading tone of his voice making it clear that he finally started to see things for how they were. "You feel suffocated with all the information I just bumped on you, I understand, but—"

"No, Jake," I snapped, my patience for his lack of common sense run out, "I don´t feel suffocated at all, I feel _betrayed_ above anything else! Do you even have any idea what exactly you just told me?!"

A look in his stricken face, and the blood in my body pumped harder as I realized that I had my answer.

"You basically told me," I explained, his wounded eyes just enhancing the force behind my words, "that all those years you spent with me, all the time you were with me, it wasn´t because you wanted to, it was because some fucked up hogo-pogo magic _made you_. You´ve never hung out with me out of your free choice, heck, you never had one – _in nothing_ - Jake, and _that_ is what hurts. It was all programmed into your head, telling you what to do, how to do it, and what to say to keep me and yourself up and happy."

I ran a shaking hand through my hair, taking a moment to get my ragged breathing under control and keep the tears that had by now filled my eyes at bay. He had already given up the fight, and the heartbreaking sight of the crumbling man in front of me made me question the justness of the existence of a magic so strong, it was able to make a grown man fall to pieces with a single set of words.

I blinked a fresh wave of tears away, and continued, my voice strained with emotion, "Deep inside of you, there´s still a part of the old Jake, I´m sure of it, and it probably resents me for having stolen his life. But believe me when I say how sorry I am for that, and if I could, I´d give his old life back in a second. Still, Jake, I need you to understand that there is no way I can have you around me, knowing that this probably isn´t what you truly want; knowing that maybe, if there was no imprint, you wouldn´t have even looked twice at me. It just hurts too much, and it may be selfish of me," I swallowed and took a step closer to him, tightly grasping his face between my hands, "but my last and only order as your imprint to you is for you to get away from me, bury up that part of the old Jake, and _live_."

I didn´t look back after that, just willing my legs to move, one feet in front of the other; away from him, just away.

"No, Ness!" I heard him call after me, desperation and fear tainting his voice. "I love you! Ness, I love you! Why are you walking away from me?! I need you; and you need me! _NESS_!!"

I didn´t react. As long as my feet kept their monotonous rhythm up, I was fine. Right, left. Right, left. Right, left. This was for the best.

But as I heard his last incredulous, broken whisper, I couldn´t help but wonder… was it?

"You´re supposed to love me…"

--

I didn´t know how I´d managed to get back to the party, I didn´t know where I´d found the two extra six-packs beer, nor had I an idea how the hell I´d managed to chuck them down before the sun came up (without any of my family actually interfering; God bless them). But some way or another I did all that, and now as I sat on the warm sand, staring out at the waves, I surprisingly felt neither exhausted, nor sad, nor drunk.

All my anger had evaporated, and I actually felt calm, completely relaxed and at ease with the world.

Of course, my luck had to run out sooner or later when I was greeted with Leah storming through the remaining few dozens of people, screaming my full name, middle name included, in full blast. Yeah, I knew I was in trouble when she used the middle name.

I turned around, facing her fast approaching figure. People started to find an interest in the spectacle too, and their eyes firmly set on the scene in front of them; whatever must have gotten Leah that riled up, would surely prove to be entertaining, right?

I ignored my family´s concerned glances I noted coming from the far back of the crowd. Not that there was any need to get closer, they could hear just fine even from that distance.

"Hello, Leah," I greeted her formally, a small smile tugging at my lips at her flushed face.

"Don´t you dare `hello Leah´ me," she quickly bridged the distance and grabbed me by the collar, her eyes furious. "Why the fuck did you do that to him?!"

I briefly noted that this affair may be less fun than I had anticipated, and any remains of the former smile vanished from my face in an instant.

"That´s none of your business, Leah," I stated, keeping my words and voice cold. "That only concerns me and Jacob, and if he somehow got you involved, I´m sorry."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Cullen?!" I flinched at the way she addressed me, but didn´t show any other signs of emotions as she pulled me closer to her face, hissing in my face. "Did you even _see_ him? You broke him, _you broke him_, do you understand that?"

I snorted. "He was broken the moment he imprinted on me, Leah," I shrugged my shoulders. "Even I can´t fix him…"

She stared at me in disbelief for a few seconds before her features contorted to a mask of blind anger and sorrow. I barely felt the hard push I landed back on the ground with, my eyes purely focused on the dark-haired girl in front of me.

I didn´t listen to a word she was saying, didn´t give a damn about her arms flailing around, pointing, signing, wanting to make me understand. But I didn´t, _couldn´t_, for the love of Jeezus, understand why she was defending him; _it_.

I had thought her to be the first to condemn anything and anyone having to do with this devil´s business called imprinting. Her boyfriend abandoned her from one moment to the next for her cousin, and now she was standing here in front of me, genuinely blaming me for breaking the chains of this curse?

I didn´t understand. No. I had never understood anything concerning her, and in that moment that fact made me far angrier than it should have.

"He imprinted on you," she continued to rant, ignorant of my increasing fury with each word she spoke in his and the curse´s defense. "He fucking loves you more than his own life and you, you just stood there, smashing his heart into thousand fucking tiny pieces like that?! God, he fucking _imprinted_ on you!"

"So what?" I hissed and jumped up, my control slowly slipping as the heat prickled beneath my skin. "Just because your ridiculous wolf curse told him to kiss my ass like a fucking mindless puppet, I have to return the sentiment and play along like the good wifey I´m supposed to be sooner or later?!"

Heaving a deep breath, I whipped my head away from Leah´s tragically sorrowful and desperate eyes.

"That´s just not how it works, Leah," I concluded after a moment of heavy silence, my voice softer and quieter now, and the left sensation on my skin nothing more than a light prickle.

I kept my gaze firmly on the soft waves for a long while, noting the first light already protruding over the edge of the far horizon. Only when I heard tiny grains of sand being crunched beneath a pair of feet – _Leah´s_ pair of feet – did I turn back.

I didn´t expect it when it came. Neither my human reflexes nor my vampire instincts were able to prevent the unbounded force of an adamantine hand smashing right into the side of my face. My vision blackened for a few seconds, and as I slowly regained my bearings, I found myself lying with my back on the ground – once more.

Trying to shake the remaining fog from my head, I instantly noticed for the pain rippling through the entire right side of my face at even the slightest movement, effectively persuading me not to do that again.

Carefully propping myself up on the elbows, it didn´t take long for me to notice Leah only a few feet in front of me. Her body shaking, breathing ragged, eyes widened in disbelief, she stood there, frozen in place.

Before I was able to make sense of what the hell had happened just now, she whipped around and her legs transported her at full, genetically-increased speed away from me.

I didn´t move to follow her, to demand an explanation, something – _anything_. My body stubbornly refused extensive movement in its astonished, uncomprehending state, leaving me to sit helplessly in the middle of the La Push beach. A single look to my left confirmed my arising suspicions that there was not one of the remaining guests oblivious to what had taken place here a moment ago.

Gazing back into the direction Leah disappeared into, I realized yet again that Leah Clearwater truly was a mystery to me, and would probably remain one for the rest of my life.

_**`You´re so fucked.´**_

I didn´t even jump as the familiar voice echoed through my mind, and as much as I´d have liked to deny it, its words had indeed never rung truer.

"Great timing, vamp-side," I muttered under my breath as I slowly started to wonder which of the things I should be taking care of first; Leah´s slowly disappearing form in the distance, the gazes of wolves, humans, and vampires alike boring a hole in my head, the reappearance of the obnoxious vampire in my mind, or my still stinging face?

--

End Chapter 2


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